I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
