I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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