You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
