New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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