you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
