Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
