My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
