Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
