Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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