Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize