I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
