just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize