my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
