I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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