will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
