I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
