Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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