I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
