lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
