you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
