he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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