I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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