this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
