she smelled like a LAN party
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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