somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
