I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
