I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
