I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
