We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
