Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
