I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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