so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
