The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
