I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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