i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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