he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
