I just pynch a tree in the face
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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