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Yo dont text me then not text me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
