forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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