Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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