i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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