Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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