my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize