i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's blow job season.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
