i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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