I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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