even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
