So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Did you just see the Batmobile???
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
