I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
