Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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