when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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