do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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