My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
