I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
