I like my sex mixed with concussions.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
