So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
