so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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