I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
