there's paper in my vomit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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