I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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