He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
