So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
