i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
