It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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