Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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