i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
